Connecting and Bonding With a Baby You Didn’t Get the Chance to Carry


Connecting and Bonding With a Baby You Didn’t Get the Chance to Carry


Written by: Jenny Daniels

Not all mothers get to experience the feeling of carrying a baby inside them. Nevertheless, they are still mothers, capable of connecting and bonding with their baby just the same. If you are a mother struggling to connect, just know you are not alone. There are ways that can make you more comfortable with the process, ensuring you bond with your baby like any mother would.

Staying Connected During Surrogacy

Surrogacy is one option for having a baby. In many instances, the baby is actually your own. Whether you implant your egg into a surrogate mother, or your husband’s sperm is used to fertilize her egg, the baby shares your genetics in some manner. You can stay connected during surrogacy by showing up to appointments, offering advice, and speaking to the surrogate regularly in order to stay informed of the pregnancy and your growing baby’s development. After visiting with a surrogacy agency, San Diego couples often leave feeling good about their decision. It is typically easier to bond with the baby after this process.

Bonding After Adoption

Adoption can make it a little more difficult for mothers to get in bonding time. Although many mothers wait for months, or even years, to adopt their precious bundle of joy, it can still be difficult for them to feel as though they are the right mother for the child. They did not grow the baby inside them, which can make it hard to establish a bond right away. One option is using bonding methods that will help to soothe the infant and make your bonding time worthwhile for both of you. Infant massage is one possibility. You can help your baby to relax by using this method, as well as add some relaxation to your own life. The skin-to-skin contact offered during massage helps make a great bond between you and your new child. It allows the two of you to become comfortable with one another. This also works great for dads or even siblings who wish to bond with baby as well.

Finding Your Footing Through Foster Care

Perhaps you are fostering a child. This can be an especially emotional time, as there is a chance the child will move on to a new home at some point. Many foster parents take care of children for a while until they are able to be placed in forever homes. You could, however, have the option to adopt the child after a period of time. No matter the circumstances, it will take some time to find your footing and discover the best ways to bond with the child.

If the child you are fostering is older, you can start by learning the things he or she likes to do. Spend some alone time with them participating in some of their favorite activities. You can also enjoy a nice dinner out together in order to spend time talking. It is just a matter of starting somewhere, and getting to know the person they are, while also letting them get to know you.

Caring for a child you did not carry yourself can seem difficult at first. You may feel guilty about not being able to carry them yourself, or even feel uncomfortable providing care to a child that was not originally yours. In either case, it will take some time to get used to the new responsibility. Look for bonding activities that are comfortable to do, and start there.

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