Confessions of a Real-Life Mom: Entry #1


Confessions of a Real-Life Mom: Entry #1

August 19, 2016

The truth is . . . parenting isn’t all that glamorous. It’s full of barf and boogers, late nights and long days and a lot of love. Sometimes you yell or say the wrong thing and other times your response is just right. This is parenthood. It’s unpredictable. It’s grimy and gross. It’s full of joy and of moments you’ll never forget. 

No one and nothing could have prepared me for this adventure we call parenthood. Except for maybe this:

Entry #1

This first week back from our week-long vacation to BC has been nothing less than nightmarish. In the last few days I’ve finally gotten over the nasty head cold that took hold of me during those final days of our vacation. Apparently my body decided that a real vacation wasn’t good for me, so it taught me a lesson.

The baby slept like a dream on vacation. Now that we’re home you’d think his bed was on fire. He wakes suddenly, screaming wildly, kicking the wall that joins his bedroom and ours. He kicks and wails with such ferocity and desperation I start to think his bed is on fire. I rush into his room and rescue him from certain death. I frantically turn on the lamp as I cradle him in my arms, fearing the worst. What? It’s just as I left it. His empty crib and dry eyes have given him away. He’s being a stinker. Oye. His wailing continues, however, and nothing will console him. In fear of waking up his big, cranky sister whose room is steps away from his, I take him to the basement and turn on a kids’ movie. We leave Dad sleeping in bed as he’s been working hard since we got back and needs his rest. Five minutes into the movie and I hear a pitter patter coming down the steps: it’s the big kid. Shit! Now we are all watching Wreck-It Ralph at 3 am. I doze in and out of consciousness as both kids remain awake.

two red wine bottlesWhen the movie finishes and neither are asleep, I start to wonder . . . was this their plan all along? Are they in cahoots? No it can’t be. My lack of sleep is making me crazy.

The big kid heads up to our bed and I manage to get the baby back into his bed around 4 am. He kicks and wails for a few minutes, but I’m onto him. His bed isn’t on fire. I won’t fall for that one again.

The next morning A few hours later we drag ourselves out of bed and get the big kid ready for bike camp. Thank goodness Grandma has the day off and is coming to take her, as she’s downright refused to get out of the car for me twice this week for bike camp. Off she goes and for a brief moment I have only one kid to contend with. Then it starts. No! The baby has my cold. His nose is running, but he refuses to let me wipe it. He fights it so hard you’d think I was torturing him.

Finally it’s time to go get big sister and bring her home. She’s had fun and even had her face painted like a snow leopard. As soon as we get into the car, big sister starts the whining process. She’s starving. I didn’t send enough snacks for her. And now the baby is in on it too. He moans “cracker” “cracker” over and over until we pull into the driveway. I think my head will explode.

Once at home I get some nachos going in the oven and re-heat our leftover chili on the stove. It’s all going well. Both kids are eating. Then suddenly the baby starts spooning his chili onto the table and frantically flinging it everywhere. He’s now trying to unbuckle himself from his high chair and the big kid, who is currently Elsa the Snow Leopard, has decided to eat her nachos like a snow leopard, snarling as she eats. Suddenly she’s coughing and hacking. She’s not choking but she’s eating like an animal, so she’s not chewing as well as she should.

I survey my situation as an outsider. It’s almost unbelievable. Laughable even. The baby’s feet are up on the table as he tries to launch his chair backwards while simultaneously trying to unbuckle himself. His face is covered in snot that I don’t dare wipe. With one hand I hold his chair to keep it from falling and try to find something for the snow leopard to barf in. I pat her back and offer her water. I’m hoping it’s just a hairball, but who knows.

Finally they all calm down and I get the baby down for a nap. I frantically search every corner of the house for a bottle of wine, but to no avail. Finally I settle on an oversized piece of dark chocolate and take a few deep breathes before it all starts again.

Until next time.

Yours in Motherhood,


Frantic, Frazzled Mommy


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