A Letter to my Fellow Mothers – Mommy Blogger

03/07/2021

Mommy Blogger – Jen Boyle

Dear Friend,

In case you haven’t heard it today, I want to say thank you and acknowledge all that you do. And remind you that you are doing a good job and you are a great mother, even if you feel stretched to your limit these days.

I know you do a million invisible things everyday that others don’t always see. You likely don’t see it either because you have been in survival mode for so long, perhaps even before the pandemic started.

I see you because I’m just like you.

I know you are the one that knows when the next medical appointments are due for every member of your family. That you are the one simultaneously thinking about what to make for supper tonight while worrying about your kid’s nutrition, running through the list of what they ate yesterday and knowing it wasn’t the healthiest, and taking a mental inventory of the groceries at the same time.

You know which pants fit your child and which don’t, and that all of these pairs are mixed up in the dresser drawer and you’ve been meaning to sort through them but just haven’t had the time yet. I know you are the one on Sunday morning (heck, probably Friday night) who is already planning the week ahead, know what laundry needs to be done or snacks prepped or supplies purchased and figuring where to fit it into your schedule so that everyone will have what they need this week.

Even if you have a partner who is wonderful and works hard alongside you, I want to acknowledge your invisible mental load – one made even heavier now.

I can see that you are thinking about a thousand little things and your brain is worn out by having to make the usual daily decisions, and then some. Decision now that are harder and more emotional. Is school or daycare safe this week? How am I going to balance homeschooling and working? Should I take my kid to the store with me? What was easy before now could affect the health and safety of your family, and after an entire year of this sort of mental gymnastics, no wonder you feel drained.

I admire your resilience to get up and get through each day, even if the days feel smaller than before. I want to remind you that you are making progress, even if every day feels the same and you go to bed exhausted and it seems like you have nothing to show for it. It’s tiring to keep being strong and upbeat for your kids, putting their needs first and making them feel safe when you have no idea what you are doing or feel scared and unsure yourself.

When I started writing this letter, I simply wanted to write and get my thoughts out of my head to lighten my own mental load. And, I truly wanted to appreciate others and give encouragement. What I didn’t realize is that I actually needed to hear these things, and I needed to hear them from me. I needed to acknowledge my own contributions and be proud of myself, in addition to the wonderful people in my life who offer me this support too. In doing this, I experienced a curious feeling of confidence that I haven’t felt in a while and it feels good to know I do have control over some things, even with so much around me out of my hands.

I’d encourage you to try this, if you are willing. Go back up to the beginning of this letter and take out “Friend” and envision your own name at the top. Reread the letter, tweak the details to be meaningful to you and imagine that you acknowledged yourself as plainly and as easily as I did, a complete stranger to you. Further, imagine you accepted the messages as true – that you really are doing a good job and are a great mom.

What do you need to hear most today? Go ahead and say it to yourself. It feels pretty good.

Sincerely,

Jen