'Twas The Night Before Christmas: Mommy Style

12/24/2013

Happy Holiday’s to you and your family where ever you may be celebrating Christmas this season!
Personally, this has been the best year of my life. My husband and I welcomed our first child in January, a baby girl. We are truly over the moon in love with her (and still are)! Not a day goes by I don’t appreciate the blessing of this little girl in our lives. Don’t get me wrong, being a parent has challenged me in ways I never expected. I have permanent bags under my eyes. Sleeping in is making it to six am and if I didn’t have an ulcer before, I may just have two now with all the worrying I do about her. I also apologize to my mom … a lot. And all of a sudden I realize why my parents did the things they did. Because of love. Love, love, love. I am grateful to my folks more than ever, and I wouldn’t give up this new job as mom for anything in the world.
So this holiday season, we will share the love and joy of the season with her for the first time. Starting new family traditions, and showing her just how magical this time of year really is. From my family to yours, we wish you all the best this season and in 2014.
Now to make you laugh. Laughter is what carries us through the sleepless times, the challenging and difficult times. It’s a staple in our household. So at the expense of my husband (who isn’t really like the papa in this story … I love you honey!) … this is my re-worked version of an old classic, Twas the night before Christmas. I am no poet. Just looking to make you smile.
Enjoy!
***
T’was the night before Christmas,
When all through the space,
The only creature that was stirring, was mommy cleaning the place.
The stockings were hung by the chimney (by who else, mom) with care.
In the hopes that St. Nicholas (would ease the burden on mom) and soon be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugarplums danced in their heads.
And mama, watching papa sleeping in his ball cap,
He had promised to help her, but fell asleep for what ‘he said’ was a short cat nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
Mama sprang from the kitchen, cursing about having to see what was the matter.
Away to the window she flew like a flash.
He better not wake up the kids, she whispered as she threw up the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow –
Gave way to kids prints on the window, when they had been throwing objects below.
When what to mom’s wondering, worried and weary eyes should appear,
But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer —
With a little old driver so lively and quick,
Mom did a fist pump and knew help had arrived, it MUST be St. Nick. (or the drunk next door neighbour, but she was optimistic that it wasn’t the latter).
More rapid than eagles his courses they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
(NOTE: Papa STILL asleep on the couch)
“Now, Dasher! Now, Dancer!” —
“DON’T YOU DARE CALL OUT VIXEN,” shouted Mama!
“I can see Comet, it’s very Cupid, but ENOUGH from Donner and Blitzen,” she said.
“Don’t go on top of the roof or off the wall,”
“Instead PLEASE have them dash away before THE KIDS WAKE UP … so quickly DASH AWAY ALL!!!”
Startled Santa, quickly sent the reindeer away to fly,
Before mom’s blood pressure really went sky high.
So Santa just walked through the front door,
With a little coaxing from Mom for some Bailey’s and more.

Dressed in fur from head to foot,
His clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
“Oh great,” said mom, more laundry to do.
“Take the bundle of toys,” she said,
“I’ll clean your jacket and give it right back.”
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
He knew he Mom was a pro, so he had nothing to dread.
He spoke not a word, and went straight to work,
And filled all the stockings — then turned to the jerk — I meant to say turned WITH a jerk (typo – don’t read into it — I love you honey.)
Santa gave the kids the toys, and the books, and the ipads galore,
So they would stop asking Mom to buy them more, more, more!
And when it came to presents for dear mama,
He decided to reward her, after this long year of drama.

Red wine, bubble bath, some naughty books to bring her smile back.
New clothes, flats for shoes, after all if he left heels, she’d be sure to give him a smack.
Fancy chocolates, did we mention wine?
A year’s worth of free house cleaning, Santa knew was just fine.
So after mom gave him his laundered jacket that smelled like a rose,
He walked out the front door feeling like a new man in his fresh clothes.
He sprang to his sleigh (amazing what a little Bailey’s can do) to his subdued team and gave not a whistle,
Under the watchful eye of Mom they hurried away before she chased them down for potentially being as loud as a missile.

But before Santa left, she watched him mouth as he drove out of sight …
“Happy Christmas To All Moms …
For all that you do, all that you are, and all that you put up with … you deserve to have a good night.”
So Mom with a smile, closed the front door,
Walked to the chimney,
cracked open the wine bottle and gleefully gave it a pour.
(Note: Papa, still asleep. Sigh. Oh well.)
To you Santa, she raised up her glass,
Now that is one fine man with class.
Merry Christmas Mama’s!