RETURNING TO WORK: Forget Balance, Try Blend

01/20/2014

Returning to work after a vacation is hard. Try returning after a year off with your baby. You have to adjust to new role at home, work and society. It’s a juggling act you have everyday getting baby to their caregiver. Anxiety over leaving baby. Fear baby will love your caregiver more. Fitting all job tasks into the day to get baby on time after work. Guilt over making time for yourself at the gym/working late/girls night/vacation. Plus the usual list: Cooking, cleaning, laundry, organizing.
Saying it’s not easy, is a massive understatement.
On one side, there’s those who say you can have balance, you just have to work harder. Not helpful. And on the other side, there’s those who say no such thing exists. Not encouraging. So where is the middle ground? Because more and more these days mothers are choosing to return to work. So what does it look like? How do we stop competing with each other trying to do it all? And can we let go of mothers’ guilt?
My job entails I work both at home, as well as outside of my home. I honestly (sitting here surrounded by work yet to be done, clothes waiting to be folded and bathrooms that need to be cleaned), have not found the secret key to this so-called-balance yet. But last week, the heaven’s parted and an answer came.

“I don’t have balance, I have blend.”
Jennifer Derzaph knows.
When Jennifer spoke those words, I knew she understood. Jennifer is an organizational consultant and the owner of ‘Modern Planning.’ She’s like a fairy godmother whose job it is to help new moms and dads with organization, support and coaching before baby is born, and when mothers decide to go back to work.
When working with families, particularly mothers who are deciding to go back to work she says there’s usually the following concerns:
* Daycare concern: Nobody can take care of my child better than I can!
* How can I be both mother and corporate woman?
* How do I do both without lacking in one area or another?
* What stigma’s will I face when I return?
* How do I find work and life balance?
* Body management: How do I fit in my health goals now as a working mother?
* Mental management: How do I deal with the pressure of mothers guilt?

Plan it. Plan it. Plan it. That’s the first step says Jennifer.
“I have a two year old son. I don’t have balance, but I have blend. When I was pregnant I planned everything – which may be been slightly obsessive compulsive but it worked. My husband and I equally share in the parenting. We both created 50% of this child, so we can both contribute to taking care of this child 50%. Before my son was born, we planned what our family dynamic would look like.”
Blend. I like it. Balance to me, means everything has to be perfectly balanced. Whereas blend is like a mix of everything. Nothing perfect. More realistic. More real life.
It’s blended. That may be my new mantra.
So when it comes to the actual returning to work, Jennifer has some tried and tested tips for mothers to blend better:
START WITH A PLAN: If you are going back to work, figure out what your family plan looks like. Create a plan specific to you and your family with strategies and steps of what it looks like when you return. Make it less overwhelming.
FINANCES: Look at your finances, forget the guilt or the labeling. Can you afford to stay home? If you can what does it look like? If you want to go back to work and need childcare, what does that look like?
GET SUPPORT: Set your support network during your pregnancy and the first year your baby is born. Whether at home, outside home, with your spouse, your friends, your family. Find out what is the support you need and make sure you have it established if/when you return.

SOURCE IT OUT: If you are not able to cook or clean and you can afford it, hire someone to do it. If you can’t afford it, try sharing with someone or hire someone on a monthly basis. Or set aside the time to do it on a weekly basis to do it. If cooking is an issue on weeknights, do a weekly cook on the weekends, ask family for meals (hello Grandma), switch nights you and your spouse are responsible for meals. (My daughter and I have a ‘cleaning day’ – which makes each task much longer. But at least it gets done eventually!)
REMEMBER, IT’S YOUR FAMILY: You may not feel guilt yourself, but you do from other mothers. *** Remember that you have a plan that works for your family. Don’t let yourself feel guilty from another mother who baked cupcakes from scratch, just because you were working and bought some from the store. Only you can make yourself feel guilty. Don’t fall into this trap.
As for the childcare piece, this one rang true for me:
“Nobody will take care of my child as good as I can.”
Jennifer said she hears it all the time. She agrees the care of your child, will never be as good, as what you provide. But consider it with a rational mind. Nobody will take over your job as a mother. They won’t love them more than you. Your role will not be eliminated. You are the best mother your child can have. That won’t change. Find a quality caregiver and above all you need to develop trust. Know that your child will be okay once you leave them. Tears will come. But they will eventually go away, and your baby will be alright.

This works for me. I like to be organized. I want to be balanced. But I think in the end, it makes more sense to try for blend, rather than balance. A mix of everything that doesn’t have to be perfect. For our family, we have the vision and a plan. Some days are easier than others to get it all done. But it works for us. And that’s all that matters.
If you want more information about Modern Planning or want to reach Jennifer aka the Fairy godmother of returning to work, she can be reached at: www.modernplanning.ca