A Plea to the Public: Give Moms a Break

03/22/2014

Why are we so hard on moms? What is it that makes us so critical of them knowing that they are often the main caregivers for their children and are trying to earn an income at the same time? Why do we feel the need to question their parenting choices and scoff at what they are feeding them? Why is it that when we see a dad out with his kids we feel the need to give him a round of applause or commend him for his efforts but no one bats an eye at a mother of three corralling her two toddlers and baby?

Whatever the reason, we need to stop. We need to start supporting other parents in every way we can. We need to hold doors for struggling moms. We need to smile when we see a breastfeeding mother and smile when we see a bottle-feeding mother. We need to lend a helping hand whenever and wherever possible and give words of encouragement when we see a mom who needs it.

We don’t need to give unsolicited advice. We need to listen. We need to smile. We need to stop judging or rolling our eyes. We need to quit posting demeaning comments about vaccines, breastfeeding and other hot parenting topics. We need to remember that each and every parent out there is doing the absolute best that he or she can with what he or she has.

To those of you out there who lend a helping hand, who hold doors, who wink at parents whose toddlers are having a tantrum, who try to intervene to stop a tantrum, thank you!

What has prompted this post? A rotten morning of gymnastics with my two-year-old. I absolutely adore this age and stage with my daughter, so it’s really disheartening when other people make me feel like it’s a “terrible” age because of the “terrible twos”.

I was so thrilled to register Z in gymnastics and help her let off a little energy every Saturday. She absolutely loves running and jumping and tumbling; she’s a little daredevil like her daddy. Today was only our second class which means that she is still getting the hang of rules and patience and waiting.

When my daughter decided that she wanted to “go down the slide” when we were supposed to be sitting quietly in a circle and I refused to allow her to do so, she began screaming at the top of her lungs – seriously, the top of her lungs; I wanted to disappear. I felt like everyone was staring at us, judging me.

Was everyone staring and judging me? Of course not. Were some? Definitely. Did anyone come to my aid and chuckle or remark that next week it would be his or her child? Nope. Did anyone make eye contact with me and give me a smile? Nope. Instead I felt alone and embarrassed. My daughter who just turned two six weeks ago was screeching at the top of her lungs and the rest of the toddlers and dads – I was the only mom there today – were quietly following instructions.

I felt like fleeing and never returning. And should I have? No way. My toddler’s behaviour was not abnormal and is not a reflection of my parenting skills or lack thereof. She isn’t the first toddler to have a tantrum and she won’t be the last.

As parents today we have more on our plates than ever before and some days can feel impossible. All it takes is a moment, a smile, a door held open, a wink, a chuckle, to remind that struggling parent that she is not alone.

~chelsey

*Photo courtesy of Roughley Originals Photography