Saying Goodbye: Why a good-bye routine is important for you and your child!

08/12/2013

Staring in a new environment, such as preschool, kindergarten or any type of new childcare setting away from the comforts of home can be an exciting and overwhelming time for both parents and children. Sometimes, joining a new program, and saying good-bye to mom or dad for the first time can be scary or intimidating, especially for children who are shy, or have never been in a group setting before.  What is so important when your child starts in any kind of new setting with others is to establish a good-bye routine.  This enables you to leave your child with no surprises at drop-off time.  This also ensures there are no surprises for your child, and they are able to see that things stay consistent each time you drop them off.

A great goodbye routine could look like this:

Prepping your child as soon as they show any concern or emotion towards going to preschool/school/day home/daycare is a great start.  Acknowledge their emotion, and re-assure that it is ok to feel that way, but there are lots of fun and exciting things to do and see at preschool.  For example:

“It’s ok to feel scared.  I feel scared sometimes too.  You know what I do when I feel scared?  I take a deep breath, and tell myself that it is ok to feel scared, and that I can always just sit down in the quiet area and read a book if I don’t feel like playing right away!”.

 Have a plan in place, so you can keep repeating the plan to your child.  For example:

“We will get to preschool (or wherever they attend), take off your coat, change your shoes, put your snack away.  After that, mom/dad will give you one kiss, one hug and then go.  Mom/dad will come back to get you when all the moms and dads come to get their kids!”

Sticking to this routine, or a routine like this, EVERYTIME, will ensure a positive, re-assuring goodbye experience.

Part of your routine could be reminding your child that their time away from you is a special time for just kids and teachers/caregivers!  It’s a special time because at their school or care facility, they do special art projects and play games, and sing songs that are just special for kids!

Here are some tips for you, as the parent/caregiver to remember when you say it‘s time for you to leave:

Once you have completed your good-bye routine, and if your child is still having a hard time, alert a teacher or caregiver in the room.  A teacher will help with the transition by coming, repeating that “mom/dad is going to go, and come back soon with all the other moms/dads”.  They will then take your child’s hand, or pick them up, and start to walk away with them, or sit with them in a spot.  This is the time for you to go.  It can be extremely difficult to leave if your child is crying, grabbing, screaming or even begging you to stay (we’ve seen it all!), but it’s REALLY important you do.  This shows your child that you are true to your word, and will leave when you say you will, no matter what behaviour they exhibit!  Teachers and caregivers are trained and qualified, and should always call you if your child is still having a really hard time after you have left, and suggest ideas and establish plans for easing the transition for you and your child!

-Ally Kothari is the director of Grandin Préscolaire, a French Immersion preschool in Edmonton Alberta (www.grandinprescolaire.com).  She has worked in the early learning field for over 12 years and has seen first-hand time and time again how important having a goodbye routine is!