This Bed is Not Big Enough for Three

10/10/2012

As I lay awake in bed at 4am, toddler watching television in the next room and husband sleeping soundly beside me, I am starting to think this bed is not big enough for three.

We have been co-sleeping with our son since, oh, day one.  Not that we planned it that way.  He has his own toddler bed, in his own room.  Through his life thus far he has had a crib, bassinet and co-sleeper as well.  I started bringing him to bed with us because it was easiest (for me) to nurse throughout the night.    Well, old habits die hard my fellow sleep seekers, 18 months and counting.

Now as I try to wean him from breastfeeding the biggest issue I am having is night nursing.  I stay strong in refusing to give in with his first awakening.  There are some tears shed but after about 10 minutes his tired body can’t fight it anymore and he’s back to sleep.  The second awakening doesn’t go quite so well.  I refuse.  He cries.  I stand my ground- for a short while anyways.  It’s the wee hours and we are both tired so without thinking I let him nurse back to sleep which really only takes a minute.  The 4am waking comes too soon and without hesitation I give him exactly what he wants and in turn get what I want- more quiet sleep.  At least this is the way it goes when dad isn’t in bed with us.

Dad has been sleeping in the spare room for 3 months since his work days are long and sleep is precious.  Last night he decided to come back to the familiar comfort of the family bed and encourage me to stand strong and end this lengthy battle over the breast.  I think our little boy woke twice as much last night as he has any other night since the above mentioned sleeping arrangement commenced.  While I appreciate his genuine efforts in being my backbone as I succumb to our child’s demands, truthfully, what I really want is a good night’s sleep.  If that means nursing 3 times in 8 hours to keep the peace then that is what I want.  More than I want to end breastfeeding for good.  At least that’s what I’m telling myself this morning as I down my third cup of Kicking Horse.

When we bought our new king size bed last month I used our toddlers growth as leverage to persuade the hubs to make the purchase.  I said our current bed was just not big enough for three.  Now, as I lie awake thinking about the sleep I’m missing, I have concluded that there is no space for dad or his backbone in our bed.  This bed is still not big enough for three.