My No Regrets Birth Story

05/09/2013

With my first labor I felt as if it wasn’t my birth story. I was medically induced, leading to early hospitalization , early epidural and eventually an emergency c section. All these felt as if they were the decisions that were best in the “professional opinion” of doctors and nurses I didn’t know. Of course not everything was so bad, I did end up with my amazing and healthy daughter and in the end, that is all that really matters.

When I found out I was pregnant again, I instantly knew I wanted to attempt a VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean). I felt as if I missed so much in my first birth and call me crazy but I wanted to experience starting labour naturally, contractions and pushing.

Well I go what I asked for, for sure. First with starting labour naturally. I had what they call Prodromal labor. Where you start labor with contractions and can go for hours and then everything just stops. This happened to me 3 times. You can read all about it in my personal blog post “The Pregnant Woman Who Cried Labor“. It was so infuriating. We even called my husband home from working away on a 2 hour drive and red eye flight home because we thought it was all happening and it stopped. The day I truly went into labor, I never said anything to anyone about my contractions, not even my husband until they were 5 minutes apart.

At 4 minutes apart, we went off to the hospital, even though the contractions weren’t super painful. Being a second baby, you are told you may go though the labor process quickly. Being honest with you; I was more looking for some sort of confirmation this was happening for real. I got my piece of mind and now to go back home and labor as long as I can in the comfort of my own home. A luxury I missed with my first; being Group B positive and my water breaking.

I tried sleeping. I’m not sure if it was excitment or pain that kept me from getting sleep. I kept staring at my daughter who I wanted to sleep in bed with me thinking “this is the last time it’s just you and me”. The power of that notion alone was enough to keep me awake and drinking in every last contour of her face.

3 a.m. Nope, not one of those lucky women who has painless contractions. 3 minutes apart and I was starting to need my breathing techniques my Doula taught me. Called my mom, cried inside a little saying goodbye to my sleeping daughter and off we went.

Hospital bracelet on, IV that I wasn’t impressed about hooked up and it was official. This baby was coming today. My Doula Skyla Bradley got my text. (I still wasn’t even completely convinced enough to call her in the middle of the night). She was on her way and none to sooner as contractions went from calm, cool, collective breathes to real concentration.

I wanted to experience labor and I got what I asked for. Contractions upon contractions. Standing, sitting, laying and in the shower, not much was easing the discomfort. In my mind I was saying “This is it. You are doing this. You are actually doing this. You are meant for this.” Looking back I still can’t believe how positive I was to myself through it all. It was probably the support of my amazing husband and confident doula that kept me in this state so long.

Now I’m not going to sugar coat this for you. At the end it hurts. It hurts a lot. The only relief feeling was when my doula had suggested we get up to use the washroom and try to naturally break my waters. Again, ask and you shall receive. Smart doula you is, Skyla. Smart. And things get super real from then on. I was actually the woman on the floor scaring the rest I’m sure, with my screaming during contractions. The 9.5 cm point calls for loss of lady like tendencies.

I couldn’t help but want to push. I had to. Nothing was stopping me, even very well knowing baby wasn’t 100% ready. It’s a feeling like no other. Not pain necessarily, but just an undeniable urge like an addict and their fix or something.

“You have to stop pushing”
“I’m trying. I can’t”
“We want to try an epidural to get you to stop pushing and let baby come down”
Silence
“This is going to end in a c section isn’t it?”

This moment is exactly what I was afraid of. The thing I was trying to avoid from the moment I found out I was pregnant. I did everything in my power for a VBAC. Seeking out a supportive doctor. Keeping my weight down, so baby might not be as big. Chiropractic care, daily inversions and positions to rotate my posterior baby. Hiring a doula to get through labor as long as possible without an epidural, because it slowed my labor last time. Uterus toning teas, yoga hip stretches and research, research, research.

Somehow I was able to keep still long enough for the epidural during contractions that I’m pretty sure were coming every 15 seconds. The hour had past and baby hadn’t moved. It was determined baby was in transverse position and could not be birthed naturally from this position. Babies heart rate was dropping during every contraction. Operating Room booked.

Last time as I was wheeled down the hallway into the OR I was crying and disappointed. This time I was at peace. I tried literally everything I could to have this baby naturally. I would not change a thing I did and can peacefully accept my babies are meant to be born this way.

We welcomed baby Morgan into this world May 1st 2013 at 1:41 pm. Another beautiful healthy girl with a full head of hair. 8 pounds, 1 oz of pure sweet love, no matter what method she was born.