Parenting and the Vaccine Debate: Why Your Opinion Isn’t What Matters

03/24/2014

I’m a planner. A deliberator. A researcher. I’m careful and cautious. I agonize for days, weeks, and more over many of my decisions. I don’t trust just anyone, especially the big guy. I’m not trying to be a nonconformist or to be different. I’m navigating my way through this world and my parenting journey as best I can.

I’m not a conspiracy theorist. I’m not paranoid. I don’t believe that anyone is out to get me. I am realistic. I know that decisions made by healthcare professionals and authorities involve a multitude of factors and I know that they must work with the resources, money, policies and regulations that have been mandated for them. I am so very thankful for all that we have in terms of medical advancements and technology and am grateful for those amazing doctors and nurses out there who care for us when we need them. But in the end, my family’s health and wellbeing is my responsibility and no one else’s.

We’ve all done it. You see an article shared by a friend on Facebook about a controversial parenting topic and you just can’t resist. You read the article and descend beyond to the comments below. Your jaw drops, your heart sinks and you wonder why you thought reading the comment section would be a good idea in the first place.

Let’s be honest. Most people and parents out there are awesome. They do their own thing, research, educate themselves and make the best decisions they can for their families while respecting those of others who have done the same. But some topics are more controversial than others and bring out fear and emotions in even the best of people.

Conversations about vaccines have become increasingly more volatile. So-called anti-vaxers are pitted against pro-vaxers while the rest of the world watches in awe and disgust. If the conversation cannot be had civilly and respectfully then it should not happen at all.

This post isn’t about why you should or shouldn’t vaccinate. This is a plea to stop condemning parents for their vaccine opinions and decisions. Us parents must weigh the benefits and risks of each disease and vaccine and determine the best course of action for our families.

It is a matter of choice. Vaccines, like anything, involve inherent risks. And anyone who tells you there are no risks to immunizations is not being honest. Anyone who tells you your child will be fine if he or she catches any of these diseases we vaccinate against is not being honest either. No one knows. No one can guarantee anything. No one can guarantee how your child’s immune system will respond in either situation.

Again this is not to say that you should or shouldn’t vaccinate yourself and your children. Vaccines can and do work – from what I’ve seen and heard – but they do not come with guarantees.

It sometimes feels like for every open-minded, nonjudgmental person out there there is an equally narrow-minded judgmental person waiting to pounce.

This cannot be the case. In my experience people are genuinely kind with good intentions but often act out of character and against their better judgment when faced with something different, unknown and scary.

No one wants to be judged or be judging. No one intends to be judgemental. It happens when fear and panic are perpetuated. Good people become, even for a moment, cruel, and attack others who are different, who believe differently.

Sleep-deprived, overwhelmed and caring parents are pitted against one another in a debate that has nothing to do with them. This isn’t about us.

No parent takes a decision regarding his or her child’s health lightly. And those who are easily swayed by celebrity opinion would be just as easily convinced by sound research.

It all comes down to perception and experience. None of us knows what the other has been through, what experiences have guided the decisions that another has made.

Like many, I am guided heavily by my intuition. I cannot explain it. It screams at me. And I just can’t ignore it. Your intuition may be screaming the exact opposite to you. And that’s ok. It is your intuition. And yours alone.

We all want to do what is best for our families and need the support of one another to do so.

Do not let the media or anyone else cause you to lash out at other parents. Do not lose your cool or threaten, intimidate or name call. Take a breath and remember that this world is full of different people with unique opinions and experiences. If you do not agree with what someone else believes or does, talk to them. Explain your side of things. Tell them why you believe what you believe and do what you do. But do nothing more. Flying off the handle will accomplish nothing.

Us parents need to stick together, to hold hands during the good and the bad, to be that extra support in challenging times and when faced with difficult decisions.

I’ve got your back. Do you have mine?

~chelsey

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed are the author’s own. Always consult a healthcare professional.