12 Reasons Mom Groups Rock

09/15/2016

So. I’m drinking a gorgeous red wine and I”m gonna get a little passionate and a little sarcastic. Just warning you.

Now, one of the most amazing things about the world is that each and every one of us is unique, with diverse experiences, values and opinions. I just couldn’t have new moms out there reading this article and having more reason not to get out of the house, more reason to feel isolated and lonely. I couldn’t let the negative, narrow-minded viewpoint of 12 Reasons Baby Groups Suck to be the only opinion out there. And so, I bring to you, 12 Reasons Mom Groups Rock!

1. You have to get dressed.

This is a good thing. Why? Because it’s so easy as a new, shell-shocked mom to stay in your frumpy pajamas all day listening to Bon Iver drinking cold coffee. Having a date once a week where you are encouraged to put on real clothes, or at least your nice sweat pants, is great. And let’s be honest, if you come to a class in your pajamas with no makeup on, covered in spit-up, no one will bat an eye. Why? Because they’ve been there. They know you, even if they don’t know you. They are you. Plus it’s healthy to wash your face, brush your teeth and change your underwear every once in a while.

2. You’ll probably screw up their naps.

This is true. It’s unlikely that you’ll find a mom and baby class that fits perfectly around your little angel’s nap schedule. Or you’ll find one and then your child’s nap routine will change. But this is real life. I understand that naps are an integral part of a baby and toddler’s development and to every mother’s sanity, but some days your kids will need to nap earlier or later or have a shorter nap, because, well, real life. Sometimes we have appointments and other responsibilities that inevitably trump nap time. And sometimes babies who learn to nap on the go end up being more flexible with their sleep, which is most certainly a good thing.

3. They’ll sleep through it all.

Hell yes! There was nothing better than my baby sleeping through it all. This is the dream! Mom and baby groups are more for moms than babies and since babies sleep ALL THE DAMN TIME, it doesn’t matter where you go or what you’re doing. I repeat: mom groups are for moms, not for babies.

4. Germs

It’s impossible to avoid germs, unless you plan on quarantining your baby. Germs are in your home, at the grocery store, your in-law’s house, the doctor’s office, no more so than in a mom and baby group. And as moms we know being sick or having a sick kid is the worst. Moms don’t come to their mom and baby group if they’re sick or their little ones are sick. That’s common sense y’all. I can only guess that gradually exposing kids to germs, i.e., other kids, is good for their little immune systems.

5. Making small talk can be painful.

What? Talking with another adult is exactly what every exhausted mother wants and needs. A year alone with your baby can feel like ten if you’re stuck in the house all day. Before you realize it, you’ve replaced real words with “goo goo gaa gaa” and you’ve started speaking in the third person. Socializing with other moms IS essential. And most moms don’t make small talk, because they have a real connection: the universality of motherhood. So they end up talking about real shit, about their postpartum bodies, the impact of having a baby on their relationships, societal pressures on moms.

6. It’s impossible to hold a conversation anyway.

Yes. It’s impossible. But that doesn’t mean you should stop talking altogether. That’s just silly. If motherhood has taught me anything it’s my own ability to adapt, to carry on a conversation while being tugged on, climbed on, screeched at, poked at, you name it. Bring it, kids!

7. There will probably be messy play there.

Hell yeah! You mean my kid will be engaged in sensory play and the mess isn’t in my house? I’m in!

8. You may have to sing in front of strangers.

Well, I sing in my car all the time, so I say bring it. Of course there will be rhymes and songs and actions, but getting involved in these things entertains our babies and lets us have a laugh while we do it. And if you don’t want to sing or twirl or hop, then don’t, you’re your own damn woman. I for one will do just about anything to make my kids laugh.

9. At some point you feel shame.

Of course. But I’m not going to avoid public places and groups just in case my kid might do something that embarrasses me. After all, how can kids learn right and wrong unless they’re exposed to diverse situations and other children? It’s great to be around other moms and other kids to really get the bigger picture, that no parent or child is perfect.  And sure, there might be one asshole mom who’s judging your kid for pulling that other kid’s hair, but most moms will relate to you, sharing that moment her baby took off his diaper and rubbed poop all over the place or when he bit another kid.

10. Everyone else’s kids.

Everyone else’s kids are awesome! I love seeing babies grow up together and watching their unique personalities bloom. It’s amazing seeing kids become and stay friends because of the relationship their mothers have. Avoiding other moms and babies because someone else’s kid might misbehave is just silly. I want my kids exposed to the real world, not some fantasy void of germs, conflict and songs. It’s impossible to shelter your kids from everyone. Eventually they will meet someone they don’t get along with and it’s better that they have experience with this beforehand. I want my kids to appreciate people for their differences and not always be looking for sameness.

11. Hard floors.

Yeah, um, they’re everywhere. Bring a pillow, blanket or yoga mat and get comfortable. Come on now! Moms are resourceful; figure that shit out.

12. The inevitable self-comparison.

This isn’t something that only happens in mom and baby groups. It happens while you’re scrolling through Facebook, when you see old friends or other moms out in public. It’s just not reason enough to avoid social situations, to not put yourself out there. What I love so much about mom and baby groups is the diversity and the fact that it doesn’t matter how you feed your baby or where your baby sleeps, it’s about sharing this one common experience, this life-altering, mind-blowing, unbelievably rewarding and challenging job.

I can’t know for sure who the author of the article is. And of course, she’s entitled to her opinion. I just can’t help but think there’s a reason why mom and baby groups don’t suit her. And that’s okay. The reality is that most moms join a mom and baby class to meet other new moms and they usually leave their petty, judgmental shit at the door.

If motherhood has taught me anything it’s that you can’t do it alone; it must be shared. Finding a tribe, a group of other moms you can curse, cry and celebrate with is so important. I found mine in a Mommy Connections Mom & Baby Program over 4 years ago when my firstborn was 6 weeks old. And I’ve continued to add to that village. I love other moms. I love talking to other moms. I love learning about other moms. I love other people’s kids. I just love it all.

If you’re considering joining a mom and baby group, please do it. Even if you learn one thing, or meet one other awesome mom it will be worth it. And if it isn’t, at least you put yourself out there.