Guiding Our Children Through Bullying – Momma Blog Feature

04/15/2017

Dangerously close to turning 30, I am a stay at home mom to 3 angelic children (HA!)…Colin (7), Molly (4) & Quinn (8 months).  My incredibly hardworking husband Nick and I have been together nearly a decade & have called Alberta home since 2008.  I am passionate about my family, volunteering, fundraising/charity work, and truly enjoy putting my heart into the community.  A huge part of MY community is a circle of 3000+ women in the Facebook group, Leduc Mamas, which I founded 7 years ago as an insecure, lonely, brand new mom.  

I’m a pop culture nut, and love to cook.  I would like to call myself a Pinterest guru, but I have more failures than successes…trying is worth something though, right? Old man winter and I don’t get along, but I love to be outdoors when it doesn’t make my face hurt.  I’m always looking to explore more of what Alberta has to offer and can’t wait to continue building our crazy little life here in Leduc!  

Guiding Our Children Through Bullying

By Katie Presse

Hi, my name is Katie and I am a Netflix binger.  My husband and I recently watched the series ‘13 Reasons Why’ and it triggered a lot of different emotions for me. Mostly, it really got me thinking about the experiences my children will have as they get older. Will they be bullied? Will they be strong enough? Will they BE bullies? The peer relationships, the trust they have in us (their parents), and the struggles they will inevitably have to overcome.  I am so scared.

My son was 6 the first & only time he was called fat.  It was one of the first warm days of the year and he wore shorts to school.  When I picked him up at the end of the day I could sense that something was wrong. Almost immediately he said “Mom, I am never wearing shorts again”.  Shocked, I asked him why. “Kids were making fun of my legs jiggling because I have fat legs”.  Holding in emotions has never been my strong point, I silently cried as we drove home. Like I said – this was the first and ONLY time he has ever been called fat to my knowledge, but he remembers it every single time he puts on a pair of shorts.  How do 6 year olds even know what fat means? And why are they using it as a verbal grenade? I was not prepared for issues like this to begin in grade 1.  How much worse is it going it get? At this age, you can’t blame the children.  They aren’t figuring this stuff out on their own.  Video games, older siblings, YouTube, parents, TV, Movies…we can’t shelter them.  But, we can help to teach kindness & empathy.  Right vs. wrong.

I have dealt with my fair share of bullies, but thankfully have always had a ton of confidence and a strong backbone.  My biggest fear as a parent is that my kids don’t grow up with that same strength. The bullying in today’s world is different – it doesn’t just stay at school. With the advances in technology our children can’t escape it.  There is no safe haven or break.  As parents, we need to do a better job.  Bullying is a global problem, but we can help stop it where it begins – at home. Be conscious of the things you say – to your spouse, to your children, and to yourself.  Kids are ALWAYS listening.

I hear parents talk all the time about raising a generation of “victims”.  As if being a victim is something to be ashamed of.  I don’t want my children to “toughen up”, I want them to feel, learn and grow from their emotions.  Shouldn’t we be trying to find the problem and create solutions instead of blaming kids for having emotions? With this kind of attitude among adults, it’s no wonder so many kids are afraid to talk about it.  I am all about standing up for yourself and speaking out for the things you believe in, but being too afraid to do so is a result of the environment, not a problem with the person you are.  Let your children know YOU are listening and you want to help them deal with whatever it is they are going through.  Even if you don’t have all the answers (I am stumped more than half the time), communication goes a long way.

The hardest part of all of this is knowing that as my kids get older, I am going to be less and less informed about what is happening in their social lives.  I don’t know how I am supposed to guide them when I don’t have all of the information I need.  I hope they know that no matter what the circumstances, I am always going to be here to protect & love them.  I will always be an anti-bullying mom, doing my best to educate my children.  Maybe that means I am raising victims.  But, I would rather stand WITH my children than stand above them telling them to stop being vulnerable or weak.

Parenting is so hard.  We all want the same thing – to raise happy, positive members of society.  It feels overwhelming a lot of the time. I don’t know if I am doing/saying the right things but I do know that my children thrive to be kind.  They talk about their feelings and feel bad when they hurt someone else.  I am sure the day will come when the pain they feel or have caused is much deeper than I can comprehend right now.  All I can hope for is that they are able to process and understand the feelings they have, and take steps to make everyone involved feel better.  I think we are on the right path, and I am proud to walk it with my children.

If you are a mom local to Leduc and would love the support of a large number of moms, check out the Leduc Mamas Facebook page here!