Making It to Monday: Interview with Jennifer Nunes, Author & Mom

04/26/2023

In 2018 Jennifer Nunes’ baby suffered a severe stroke that left him in critical condition. The months and years that followed the life-altering event shook her family to their core. From living in a hospital and navigating the health-care system to learning to parent a child with special needs and powering through the darkest of days, Nunes came to acknowledge that trauma and challenge opened her up to newfound strength, hope, and acceptance.

Mommy Connections sat down with Jennifer to discuss her new book, Making It to Monday, a triumphant account of how endurance, love, and happiness exist in each of us in times of crisis.

Q: Hi Jennifer, thanks for joining us today. We have a lot to cover so I want to dive right in.

You already wear so many hats—a Psychotherapist with your own private practice, Registered Social Worker within the public sector, advocate and spokesperson, mom of two, wife. What inspired you to become an author?

JN: In 2018, while living in the hospital with Dominic (my son), I went looking for something to read that would be honest about the challenge and emotions of a crisis, and something that would also give me as a parent hope for the unknown future ahead. I wanted something that I could connect with, that would help me feel seen and also give me hope that things would get better. I couldn’t find it.  After thinking about it for a few days I spoke with my partner and I decided since we had no known medical cause for our son’s stroke, maybe we could make meaning from this traumatic experience. Maybe the pain of this experience could be used to help others feel less alone as they walk along their own journey? Maybe I could help other parents/caregivers recognize their strength and resilience by sharing how I found mine.

Q: How did the act of writing help with your personal healing journey?

JN: The act of writing was cathartic for me. I have kept a journal (off and on) since childhood. I had been journaling what was happening during our hospitalization and took those pages to create my book, Making it to Monday. I know as a Registered Social Worker and Psychotherapist that journaling is a great way to externalize our thoughts and can improve mood. Writing my experience down gave me a sense of peace and confidence that I would remember what was happening during a time when I was completely overwhelmed and stressed out.

Editing the book was tough as I had to revisit some of the traumatic events, and even then, it was cathartic because I was able to look back and see how far I had come, how much I and my family had grown from the experience. I am a big advocate for journaling/writing.

Q: To an extent, all moms experience some level of trauma—for example, from the process of labour, to the shift in identity and loss of “the life you once had”. What would you say to a mom right now who is struggling?

JN: I would  tell moms/caregivers that this is a season. It is heavy and it’s OK that it’s heavy. It’s ok to admit and validate all the feelings that you are experiencing. You can love being a mom, love your children, and still feel the weight and burden of the current struggle. Two (or more) things can be true at one time. Give yourself some grace.

I would likely encourage them to think about how they would talk to your best friend if they came to with the same struggles. Would they show compassion? Would they be able to validate their friend’s feeling?  Then, I would ask them to try and speak to themselves as if they were their best friend. Sometimes we don’t recognize that we are a lot harder on ourselves than we are on others.

Lastly I would invite a mother/caregiver to think of their emotions as waves. Sometimes the tide is low and the waves are small and calm. At other times it can feel like a tsunami, taking out everything in its path. No matter how big the wave, the water always goes back into the ocean. This season won’t last forever. You’ve already made it through 100% of the worst days of your life. You are doing better than you think you are.

Q: Self-love and self-acceptance can be an ongoing process for moms. Many of us are dealing with physical changes to our bodies, facing societal pressures like “mom guilt”, or carrying the burden of the invisible load. What are some tips you’d share with moms for learning to love yourself, advocating for yourself, and giving yourself grace?

JN: Oh I love this question. I am a huge self-love and self-care advocate. My first tip is always to start small and recognize the journey to self-love and self-acceptance is not linear. It is not something that happens overnight. Change happens in tiny increments. This is a good thing because that also makes it sustainable. Some tips:

Positive Self-Talk

Look in the mirror and give yourself credit for your EFFORT, not OUTPUT. It’s not about how far we go or how much we accomplish. Real acceptance means loving ourselves where we are now, in the process of growth, recognizing we have goals to change or heal etc and loving ourselves for being willing to do the work. Don’t wait until you accomplish a goal to celebrate yourself.  Celebrate the starting line.

Affirmations

Write out the traits you WANT to possess as if you have them right now. (i.e. I am confident, I am calm, I am fun). Say it to yourself as if it’s your marching orders in the morning (bonus points if you do it out loud, in front of a mirror). Engaging multiple senses helps the brain to build connections faster so it can rewire and change the way we think and feel about ourselves.

I always think it is helpful to remind ourselves that we cannot function at our very peak every day. We may put in 100% effort in all we do but that is going to look so different on a day when we’ve had enough sleep, gotten a shower, checked off tasks from our to do list than a day where the kids were up all night, we are exhausted, we forgot our coffee on the counter and put our shirt on inside out (or backwards… been there, done that!) If we celebrate showing up, and the fact that we tried, even when we don’t succeed, we are better able to give ourselves grace, love and acceptance.

Q: If you had three words to describe yourself before becoming a mom, what three words would you choose?

JN: Ooof—let me think about this one.

Perfectionist, People-Pleaser, Hardworking.

Q: What three words would you use to describe yourself today?

JN: Resilient, Caring, Enough.

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About Jennifer Nunes

Jennifer Nunes is a Registered Social Worker and psychotherapist who prides herself on working with clients to nourish their souls so they can heal their minds and love their lives. Jennifer lives in the Greater Toronto Area with her husband and their two incredible children. When she’s not working with clients or public speaking, she enjoys staying active as a form of self-care (movement is medicine!), spending time with her family, and planning the next home renovation project.