I’m a Selfish Mom, and I Like It – Mommy Blogger

08/21/2018

Martina is a mid-30s professional and new to the momma world. She and her husband consider themselves lucky to have hit the baby jackpot with baby G who was born in March of 2018.

I know I’m opening myself up to a lot of criticism by writing this, but sharing this and potentially helping another momma let go of some guilt is far more important than any backlash I may receive. (but seriously, please be kind)

Some people may say that if I’m this selfish and not able to give up 100% of myself and my life for my child, then maybe I shouldn’t have had one. To those people, thank you for your input, but it doesn’t fit with my philosophy on life. Why? Because if I give up 100% of myself for my child, I’m going to be a terrible mother, wife, role model, and human being in general. I need to put me first. Period. Obviously if my child is in distress or having a rotten day, I take a break. His health and happiness is right up there at number one with mine. However, when it comes to day to day living, I’m selfish, and he’s along for the ride.

What do I mean by selfish? I mean doing the things I love, the things that make me my best self, as best as I can with a baby on my arm. So yes, I go to the gym a few times a week. What do I do with him while I’m there? He either stays in his seat, lays on a blanket, is in a carrier on me, or other people are occupying his attention. I consider it a win-win. I get a workout in (which is as much for my mental health as it is for my body), and he gets to experience new people, sounds, and spaces. Believe me, he’s happy most of the time he’s there. Some days, now I wait until his dad is home from work and I go by myself. I get 1-2 hours of solo time to workout and then take the long way home to have a little extra time to myself. Selfish, and I’m a different (read: happier) person when I get home.

What else do I do that’s selfish? I go for coffee dates, I go for walks, I go shopping. I do this when and where I want to. I read books. Not always his books to him. There are days where I just want to read my own book, so I read them to him. Who knows, maybe he’ll somehow soak in pieces of the personal and professional development books I read.

So maybe his lack of a napping schedule is due to this, and my desire to spend time with friends. I’m ok with that. That’s a battle I’m willing to have. I’m not worried. Why? Because he’s happy, growing, laughing, social, and sleeping through the night.

Why am I being so selfish? For a few reasons. Firstly, meeting my needs makes me happier and more fulfilled; which, undoubtedly makes me a more present and happy momma. Secondly, he’s experiencing different people, places and things, and learning from each one. Thirdly, if/when another little one comes along, I’m not likely going to be able to be as selfish on that maternity leave. Lastly, I hope by maintaining my “selfishness” throughout my child/ren’s lives, they will see the importance of fulfilling one’s own needs and desires to live a content, happy life. I truly believe that we must put ourselves first in order to be the person we want to be. As I’m sure we’ve all read/heard/seen, “You can’t pour from an empty cup”.