Say It With Me, Mamas: I NEED HELP! – Mommy Blogger

07/20/2018

Laura is a proud Mama of two littles, Baby A and Little G, who keep her laughing and pulling her hair out on a daily basis. She lives on a farm near Moose Jaw with her husband, where she enjoys cooking, gardening, and coming up with excuses to visit friends and family in the city. She has a background in Creative Writing and has a passion for working with and volunteering for non-profit organizations

What is it about mothers that we feel the need to do everything by ourselves? I asked myself this a few months ago as I struggled to carry my groceries to my car whilst juggling my crying baby in her carseat, holding my 3-year old’s hand, and answering my cell phone all while pedalling on my unicycle (not really…. But it felt like it). The kind cashier had looked at me with that mixture of pity and fascination in her eyes and asked, “Do you need help out to your car?” “YES!” I wanted to say. What I actually said was what we all say far too often: “No thanks, I’ll be fine.”

What makes that one little word so darn hard to say? Wouldn’t life be so much easier if we just took the help that was offered to us? Or, if we dared to go one step further, and *GASP* actually ask for the help that we needed?

My youngest (Baby A) ended up in the hospital unexpectedly when she was a month old. Those 10 days were the hardest, most stressful, and most exhausting days of my life (props to all you NICU parents who are there for much longer!). My hubby is a farmer, and it was the middle of seeding so he wasn’t able to be with us. Our parents shared the load of caring for our 3-year old, and I spent the very long days and nights with a clingy, crying newborn who couldn’t sleep because of her pain and medications. A few days in, one of the nurses looked at me in the morning and bluntly said, “You look awful, and you clearly need some sleep. Would you like me to take your baby for a few hours while you rest?” Now, nurses are busy people. They have so much to do, so many patients to care for, so many kids more sick than my own to help. All these thoughts ran through my head as I crafted my rejection to her offer… but, she stared right in to my eyes (and straight to my tired, tired soul) and I could not even find the energy to come up with an excuse. “Yes,” I mumbled, handed her my sweet sick baby, and collapsed on to a couch for 3 lifesaving hours of precious sleep.

I have no idea what she and Baby A did for those 3 hours. Or how my needy, sick, breastfed baby lasted that long without a feeding. But I awoke a different person. Renewed, re-energized, and ready to keep on pushing through. I am so grateful for her offer, and so glad I took her up on it. It was my “Gateway Yes”, if you will. Later that week, when my sister-in-law asked if I wanted her to come up after her shift to hold Baby A while I slept: YES. My friend asked me if she could bring me some food that wasn’t from a vending machine or cafeteria: YES. My MIL asked if she should come over so I could have a hot shower: YES, YES, a million times YES!

Accepting help gave me the courage to take a big step: I hired a post-partum doula for when we got home. I will admit, I struggled with feelings of shame for the first few weeks she was there. I didn’t want to tell anyone in my family that we had “hired help.” Because of course, I am a Mama—and our society tells us that Mamas should have it all together, and like all of you, I still felt the urge to do it all myself and have it all together. But, after a few weeks of having our doula around, life became so much easier. Actually manageable. Downright enjoyable. I had energy to get out of bed, time to spend with my kids

and husband, homemade food on the table, a house that didn’t look like a tornado hit it, and best of all, sweet, glorious rest and healing time. Which is what every new Mama should have.

I’m happy to say that we do not need our post-partum doula anymore; she carried us through a difficult time and got us to a state where we feel confident continuing on our own. But I’m also happy to say that she is now a close family friend and she will remain a part of our lives. My kids adore her, and our post-newborn days are happier because of her. And all of this because I asked for some help.

So Mamas—say it with me: I NEED HELP! Take your friends and family up on their offers—whether it’s a hug, a shower, or clean laundry. When your sweet neighbour asks if she can bring over a casserole, take it with a smile. When the cashier asks you if they can assist you to your car with your groceries—for heaven’s sake, just say YES! Motherhood is damn hard; we ALL need help, and as capable Mamas, we should feel empowered to ask for it.

I’d love to hear from you! Share in the comments a way in which you accepted or asked for help, and let’s show the new Mamas out there that it’s OK and actually normal to need some help!