When a Mother Exhales – Mommy Blogger

02/28/2019

Hey, all! My name is Kristin Smysniuk and I am over the moon to be part of the Mommy Blogger community. I am a mom to three beautiful boys who work to teach me lessons and keep me humble each and every day. Bennett is 9, Sawyer is 6 and Elliot is 4! I have been married to my husband, Tynan, for 11 years and am a fifth grade teacher with Saskatoon Public Schools.

Motherhood is a collection of moments spent holding our breath.

From waiting for a pregnancy test to come back positive to watching your baby walk down the isle … we, as mothers, hold our breath.

We hold our breath with anticipation and wonder, worry and fear, pride and accomplishment.

We breathe; it seems, from a different place. As though the moment we become a parent, the well deepens to allow space for all the moments that will require extra air, extra patience, or extra exertion on our hearts.

Learning to walk. We hold our breath.

Riding a bike. We hold our breath.

Learning to drive. We hold our breath.

First love, first heartbreak, first time you set out on your own. First skinned knee, first bully at school, first failed grade. We hold our breath.

We hold that breath to make room. To quite the noise of the world, to stop the overwhelming reality of being a parent from sinking in so deep it may scare us off. We hold our breath to tend to you, to nurture you, to be there for you when every fiber of our being wants to flee. We hold our breath to stay strong, to be calm, to model peace in situations of fear and overwhelm. We hold our breath and calm the voices in our head that play out our biggest fears and worst possible outcomes.

We hold our breath because we love you more than breathing.

But there comes a time, when the well has filled up and spilled over, where we need to reset and begin again. And there, in a moment of unexplainable emotion, a mother exhales. The breath out is beautiful and painful, chaotic and calm, damaging and healing all at once.

We exhale the fear, the worry, and the overwhelm. We exhale the pride, the appreciation and the joy. We exhale the wonder, the resentment and the pain.

As we exhale, we release it to the world.  We bless it and we, try desperately to let it go.

Then we begin again.

Breathing — it’s a delicate and powerful thing, all made possible by the most amazing gift of life. Breathing is a very interesting process as a mother — a beautiful dance of expanding and contacting, taking in and letting go, feeling fulfilled and desperate for air.

It hurts, it helps, it slowly, one inhale and exhale at a time, makes us who we are to become – your mother. And we wouldn’t have it any other way.