Compromising – Mommy Blogger

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Compromising – Mommy Blogger

May 1, 2021

Hi I’m Jillian, a mom passionate about being a mom, and living a fun, joy-filled life along the way

When our first baby was born, I realized vey quickly how many times a day you need to compromise- even on things you hold highly important.  ‘I won’t let them comfort feed’ …and I did that more than a few times. ‘I’ll put whites into cold water to soak as soon as a diaper explosion happens’…and most of our white baby clothes are now in the trash. ‘I’ll puree all the baby food myself and freeze it in cute little ice cubes’…and most of those ended up on the floor as I reached for a back up jar of something that tasted better.  But I consoled myself with the belief that when I was a Mom longer, when I got better at doing all of these things, I would no longer have to compromise and then I’d be the Mom I wanted to be.

Years later, I compromise on even more points – every day.  Simply put, the necessity to compromise, even in areas that are really important to you, never goes away.  Actually, the need grows.  The notion that someday you’ll be good enough and that you won’t have to compromise on anything really blew up in my face and turned out to be total fake news.  But don’t worry, there’s real, good news here too!  What I have come to realize is, there is a total skill to managing compromises and judging where the give and take should come from.  It’s something that develops over time as you make choices that turn out good, and others you wish you could redo.  You choose more wisely how much time should be stolen from what activity and given to another. You better decide if it’s a good time or not to allow a rule to be softened temporarily to allow for a different teachable moment.

As much as I hate boxed, frozen and preservative filled food for my family, we eat it every once in a while because I stand so strongly for giving my kids a certain amount of time with me each day and sometimes extensive supper prep is the only place left to steal it from.  I’m a big advocate of rested kids being happy kids (and believe me, it took me awhile to figure out that this is an area not to compromise on as much as possible) but our family also strives to foster adventure and spur of the moment opportunities and sometimes the post adventure days spent getting back into regular nap time are worth it.

You might be asking, ‘But what about those REALLY important things?’ And to that I’d say there is room for non-negotiables- if you make it.  But to make them really, truly non negotiables, you have to be realistic and short with this list, otherwise they’ll just become areas to feel extra guilty about when you have to compromise.  This list is unique to every family, or it may not exist at all.  But my advice to you is to carefully consider what absolutely matters deep down to your family- not what looks good or is socially acceptable or is even a standard of other families you’re close to.  Because when push comes to shove, non-negotiables will butt out other very important things, so hopefully they are precious enough to be compromised for.

There is constant give and take as a Mom.  Really, it’s like being engaged in a constant tug of war except there are 500 ropes, and the forces behind each and every one is an important thing.  Luckily we’re not meant to be one hundred percent at everything all the time.  In fact, it’s good for our kids to be able to adjust to less than perfect and predictable schedules all of the time because, well, that’s life.  So take heart in the fact that, although you’re not getting closer to removing compromises from your life, with each and every day of being a mom, you are getting better at that essential skill, balancing compromises.  And although you’re already the best mom for the kids you have, know that this increasing skill will help you manage your days with a little bit more ease.

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