Don’t Be Too Quick To Judge

01/16/2015

Most of the moms in our programs are first time moms, I just had our second child, but I feel like I have to re-learn everything again. We as parents don’t know everything and especially during that first year it can be so difficult to know what to do. None of us are ever going to parent the exact same way, there will always be differences, be it cultural, experience, beliefs and so much more.

I find sometimes as moms we are too quick to judge. There is not right or wrong way to parent. Each parent is doing their best with what they have. But we as moms, rather than supporting other moms seem to judge others based on what we see and hear. We may not all agree with others parenting decisions, which is fine, but it is important that we respect others parenting decisions. We as moms know we are going to be judged for the decisions we make and therefore some of us find it hard to connect with and talk to other moms – out of fear of being judged. We may even find it hard to ask questions out of fear of being judged for our question, so rather than finding out the answer we will continue what we were doing, to try different things until, hopefully, we find something that works.

There will always be areas where not everyone will agree – extended rear facing or forward facing car seats; immunizations, delayed vaccine schedule or not vaccinating at all; co-sleeping, bed sharing or baby in their own room; cry it out, sleep schedule or no schedule; cloth diapering or disposable diapers; baby led weaning or pureed foods and rice cereal; breastfeeding or formula feeding. The list is endless.

That mom who is formula feeding, maybe she is doing it because she just didn’t want to breastfeed, or maybe she tried to breastfeed and wasn’t able to for a variety of different reasons.

That mom who does breastfeed, maybe she does it because she wants to and is able to, or maybe she does it because she can’t afford to buy formula.

That one year old who is forward facing, maybe mom and dad wanted to turn baby around once they met the requirements for forward facing, maybe their child is big and maxed out the rear facing limits on their seat. That four year old who is rear facing maybe mom and dad decided rear facing was best for them, or their child enjoys it better

That mom who uses disposable diapers on her baby, maybe she does so because she finds them more convenient, or she doesn’t want to be bothered washing diapers, or she doesn’t have a washing machine and doesn’t want to go to the laundry mat every other day. The mom who uses cloth diapers may be doing so because it’s good for the environment, or she can’t afford disposables or her baby is allergic to disposables.

The mom and dad that co-sleep with baby, either in their bed or in a crib by the bed, maybe they do it to be closer to baby, to strengthen the bond, maybe they do it for the convenience of night time feedings, or maybe they do it because it is what baby wants – baby settles when sleeping in mom and dad’s bed or by their bed, but not when in their own room. The mom and dad who have baby in a crib in their own room, maybe there isn’t room in their room for baby, maybe they want some time and space that is just theirs, or maybe baby can’t settle in the room with mom and dad due to all the noises and snoring- or mom and dad can’t sleep with baby’s noises.

Whatever the reasons for our decisions as parents they are our decisions. We may make a decision at one point in time, try it out and decide it didn’t work and try something else. Or we may make a decision and stick with it no matter what. The point is they are our decisions to make without the fear of judgment. These decisions and choices don’t make one mom a good mom and another mom a bad mom. There is no rating scale or point system. We all need to remember that each person made their decision based on what works for their family.

The journey of motherhood is not a time for us to be judging others. It is a time for us to be supporting other moms. Just because we do not agree with someone’s parenting decisions doesn’t mean we can’t be supportive. Now is a time for all of us to join together as moms and support one another.

It may take a village to raise a child, but it also takes that same village to raise a mother.

Although we will never all agree on all our parenting decisions, the one thing we can all agree on is we love our children an unmeasurable amount and everything we do and all the decisions we make are based on what we believe will provide the best environment, opportunities and support for our child.

Remember, we are here to support you on your journey through motherhood. When you hit a bump in the road we are here to help you smooth it over and continue forward. When you feel judged by others remember that this isn’t about anyone else. It is about you. It is about baby. It’s about doing it your way with love.