Who am I? Redefining Myself as a Mother

01/12/2016

Every January I tell myself that I’m going to start a blog – how hard can it be? I have 2 kids (was 1 kid when I first started wanting to blog) who get into a lot – both good and bad! But by the end of January I look back and I haven’t done a post yet – I have ideas written down on notes all around but I haven’t actually sat down to write anything. I then tell myself that I’ll do one in February, it’s ok, it’s only a month late. And then before I know it it’s December and I have piles of notes and no blog!

Like any mom free time can be hard to come by. Everyday we are pulled in multiple directions at the same time – here I am 8:30 pm on a Tuesday evening with my 1 year old, who usually goes to bed (and by usually I mean she did for the past couple of nights) at 7:30, sitting on the floor eating crackers and playing while my 3 year old who in the last month has decided she hates sleep and has a million different reasons each night that she can’t go to sleep (she needs a snack, she needs a drink, she needs to pee, she wants someone to read a story to her – the list is endless) is sitting on her bedroom floor kicking her door because it’s fun. How can I not have time to write a blog!

For those with a baby, did you know that according to happyworker.com a mom takes 2 minutes, 5 seconds to change each diaper – 7,300 diapers by baby’s second birthday – which adds up to 3 40-hour work weeks each year! For Moms with an older child – the average Preschooler requires mom’s attention once every 4 minutes or 210 times / day!

I, like many moms, have lost myself since becoming a mom. I don’t have “me time”. I give my all to my 2 beautiful daughters, to my husband, to my businesses and at the end I have forgotten about me. What makes me happy, what I like to do. Before having kids I used to read books, I used to knit, I used to do things for me – things I enjoyed. Since becoming a mom, sadly I have not made it through a non child related or children’s book. I have started numerous books – but end up reading the same 5 pages over and over again either because of distractions (how can a mom become distracted?!) or because when I finally get to bed at night and open the book I fall asleep instantaneously- forgetting everything I have read.

From the moment we become pregnant our world changes – we start focusing on this beautiful miracle and doing things for it – taking multivitamins, going to birth classes, preparing the baby room. And once baby arrives our world changes even more. We get so caught up in our daily lives – diaper changes, breastfeeding/bottle feeding, preparing meals, laundry, cleaning, all the various activities we do. We become consumed with baby – with learning and getting to know our bundle of joy. Finding our new routine, which seems like as soon as we find a routine something changes. We are now running on minimal sleep while trying to find out who we are now.

Becoming a mother we have to redefine who we are because we will never be the same again. But in this redefinition of ourselves, we can often lose ourselves. We stop doing the things we enjoy and instead do things for our family. But we need to stop, we need to come up for air and remember in order to be the best mom we can, in order to give all we can to our family, we have to care for ourselves. We have to put ourselves first. We must preserve ourselves.

How can we as moms reconnect with ourselves?

1. Remember what you enjoyed before having children – reading, traveling, running
2. Find some me time everyday – it can be as easy as waking up 15 minutes before your children to enjoy a warm cup of coffee – rather than the same cup that has been microwaved 5 times throughout the day
3. Set a goal – fit back into my pre-pregnancy jeans, start playing a sport again
4. Join a mom group – either in person or through social media. Connect with other moms. Share your struggles. Share your successes. Share everything!
5. Find something that makes you happy, outside of your family – do something that makes you happy.
6. Have me time – spend some time away from your kids – whether it be grocery shopping on your own, going to the spa, going for a walk or even a weekend away

Please try and take some time this week and do something for you – do something you enjoy. Be Happy. For me – writing this is a big step for me in my pursuit of my self – taking the time to do something for me… and it only took 3 years!