I Need A “Me-ternity” Leave From My Kids

05/02/2016

I Need A “Me-ternity” Leave From My Kids!

I read an article today about “me-ternity” leave  – the idea that women (and  men) who choose or do not currently have children should get a “me-ternity” leave way from work. Time for them to find themselves, focus on themselves away from work – finding themselves.

I don’t know about you but neither of my maternity leaves were a vacation away from work where I had time to focus on finding me. It wasn’t about self-realization. It was about survival. It was about getting to know this new beautiful baby that was in our life.

Pre-baby I would easily get 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep each night. Once baby arrived (after being awake and in labour for 78 hours) I went to 5-6 hours of sleep, and waking every 1-2 hours.

Pre-baby I would come home from work, relax, have supper (when and what I wanted) and I would have the evening to myself – I could do what I wanted. I could relax and watch TV (not Paw Patrol, Curious George or any other animated show), I could go out with friends – anything I wanted! After baby I didn’t get off work at 4:00 anymore. I couldn’t just pass baby off to someone else to watch for the evening while I did my own thing. Being a mom is 24/7.

Pre-baby everyone would tell me “nap when baby is napping” – I can count the number of naps I took when either of my girls were napping on a closed fist! I would get baby fed, changed and asleep, then I would quickly make and eat something (ie: toast), maybe have a shower if I was lucky, throw a load of clothes in the wash and then baby would be up ready to be fed and changed again! There was no time for napping.

There were multiple days on maternity leave when I would wish I was back at work – I could go there for my 8:00 – 4:00 day, come home, do my own thing, sleep uninterrupted. I could leave my work at work. You never stop being a mother.

I would love a “me-ternity” leave – I wouldn’t even need the year – give me a week – sometimes even a day would be enough! Just some time for me. Sometime to focus on me – to have an uninterrupted shower; to go out and run errands without spending three-quarters of my time taking kids in and out of car seats, getting them to stay with me in the stores, finding the washroom in every place we stop – being able to run into the store to grab a jug of milk in less than 5 minutes, rather than 20 minutes!

To me, people without kids still get to have this time – every week they get to have this time – called weekend! Pre-baby on weekends I could sleep in – oh how I miss sleeping in! Quite often my husband and I say “what did we do on our weekends before kids?” We are so busy with activities for the kids, birthday parties, family events and so much more. We used to be able to go out and sit in the sun and read a book on a beautiful day, go and enjoy a movie, go for supper – anywhere and anytime. We did what we wanted – and we had money to do all these things!

But despite the fact that I lack sleep, can’t go to the washroom without an audience or that chicken fingers are one of the main things in my diet – I wouldn’t give it up for anything. I would never trade my crazy, busy, hectic days with my daughters for an 8 hour day at work with my evenings and weekends free.

What I have realized on my maternity leaves and with my daughters is what really matters in life. I look back at some of the things I used to worry about and I realize they don’t matter. What matters is that my daughters are happy and healthy. My house may no longer be clean, my clean pile of laundry is a mile high (and most of the times it never gets put away, I just grab clothes from the pile) – but my daughters are happy and I get the privilege of being their mom.