BAD DAYS – Mommy Blogger

11/02/2017

My name is Erin McCrea. I’m a Momma, a pet Momma, and a writer. I had my first baby at age 35 in May of 2016. Becoming a mom was the scariest thing I’ve ever done, and I have loved every moment of it. I blog at  http://erinisawriter.blogspot.ca/, but haven’t done a lot since Anthony arrived. It’s my goal to be a consistent Writing Mom by the time his birthday arrives. I’m shy, caring, weird, bossy, and I try to be happy every day. My baby helps with that.”

I had a really bad day a couple of weeks ago. It was a Bad Mom Day. It was one of my worst days. I found myself getting extra frustrated at my toddler, and I wasn’t able to be as calm as I wanted to. I even lost my cool at the diaper genie (It wasn’t being magical, like a genie should.) I felt like a bad mom. I felt like I wasn’t cutting it as a parent. It was NOT a good feeling.

My partner works away from home, and I sometimes feel like a not single-single mom. It’s wonderful when he’s home, but he’s sometimes away for weeks at a time. I have a ton of support, and a ton of help, but I think I must have been extra tired during my Bad Mom Day.  It’s also hard when it’s just the two of us day in and day out because he doesn’t have anybody else to be with. I don’t get a break, and he’s sometimes a clingy little shadow. (We do get out as much as we can.)

I feel bad for complaining that he’s’ clingy. I feel like I shouldn’t complain about anything he does. I’m his Mom. I shouldn’t be annoyed at the things he does. Especially when he’s not doing anything on purpose. (That’s not true… he does do things on purpose, but not maliciously.)

All moms are allowed to complain obviously. Being a mom is tough as hell. It helps to complain. (Or in my case, yell at my diaper genie.) I love being a mom to a crazy 18 month old who never seems to slow down, but it’s also exhausting. It’s a lot, and unfortunately, I end up having bad days.

This was the worst day in a long time though. By the time nap time came, I was absolutely exhausted, and I one hundred percent thought I was failing as a mom. I was feeling very sad about our morning.

Then something happened. A nap! (For both of us.)

While he was napping, I was able to take a breath. I stopped being anxious. I stopped feeling bad about my bad day. I remembered that my almost 18 month old counts on me for everything. He trusts me with all his heart. He loves me with all his heart. And I love him with all my heart. He loves to make me laugh. He loves to try new things, and loves when I’m proud of him for it. He had a bad day as well, but through it all, he only wanted to be with me.

I’m a believer of being grateful. It’s helped me through A LOT of hard times before Anthony (my son.) Being able to see the good things in life is one of the best thing I’ve discovered.

There’s always something. In the midst of all the horrible and sad things that we are seeing in this world, there’s always something that’s good. It’s just something that’s hard to see.

I will allow myself to complain about a hard day, but then, I will take a breath, and remember that I have the most amazing son in the world. I am lucky enough to be Anthony’s mom. Bad days come and go, but I will hopefully get a life time with my kiddo. There was a time in my life when I didn’t think I’d be a Mom. I didn’t think I wanted to be a mom. Now I am, and I consider myself extremely lucky to have the life that I do.

There will be bad days. Sometimes, there will be bad days for no apparent reason. I just have to remember how much my little one loves me.

I have to be grateful for it all.

(Somebody remind me of this when he’s going through his terrible twos – or his not loving his mommy stage.)