Is It Date Night Yet? – Mommy Blogger

11/23/2017

Elyse Lalonde has always called Saskatoon home. She started on the motherhood journey in the Summer of 2015 when she had her son. Elyse is a working mom, always seeking a fine balance in life with a busy toddler. As a MommyConnections “alumnus,” she enjoys socializing with moms and babies her son’s age. Elyse has always enjoyed writing and journaling, and hopes to share her experiences (good, bad, and sarcastic) with the online parenting community in Saskatoon.

Please tell me there’s a milestone that children go through where they sleep for long periods of time. And DON’T say “the teenage years” because I can’t bear the thought… of not getting sleep until then.

I’m just going to say it. Parenthood is exhausting. I’ve been through the infant/newborn phase, and am now in the throws of toddlerdom. On the one hand, it’s fun, and it’s an amazing time, and it’s also tiresome. Day in, day out. I know myself, and I need frequent breaks and time for me to thrive. And, sometimes, just to survive.

The first time I ever left my baby was for two hours to get a haircut. He was 6, maybe 8 weeks old. It felt weird. And yet, it felt like freedom.

I worried about him the entire time, but also knew that I needed this time for me, in order to be a better mom and person, even if only for a day.

As a parent, when you suddenly find yourself alone, be it bedtime or other, and you have that moment where you realize you don’t have to turn to check on your kid every few seconds, you can finally breathe. Relax. It’s just you here.

This separation, even if momentary, is so very necessary. Whenever and however it comes, it has to be taken.

I remember acknowledging the moment where I realized my husband and I weren’t arguing over the usual, petty things, like dishes, or meals. It was the early days of parenthood. We were in the zone, exhausted and tired, and still to this day realize that cleaning the house can wait, that with a toddler around, it’s just going to be dirty. I’m not bending over backwards for something that will literally be dirty one meal later. I’m okay with this, even if my floors are not.

Despite the infrequent arguing in those early weeks of parenthood, I did have moments of missing my former life, where the specific aspects of privacy, silence, sleep and rest when I needed it were still available to me, not when someone else dictated when I would be able to get some shut eye. (Also, when I say silence, I mean the good kind. Not the kind where you worry why there is no sound, when there is normally NASCAR level noise echoing through your house.)

Now that we have a toddler, life feels much more regulated than it did two years ago. But on the odd occasion, where I’m frustrated at my son or my husband, I look at the calendar and count the weeks since our last night out. Break time is nigh, I think. And from there, I ensure the grandparents are available, and pick a night to go out. It’s necessary to feel like an adult again. It’s necessary to connect or reconnect with the person you’ve started this parenting journey with. It’s not easy, and a date night doesn’t solve our worldly stress, but I find it’s a necessary first step towards… balance. Or, re-balance.

It also helps that your kid loves their babysitter(s). We are very fortunate in this capacity– I know others are not this lucky to have family around to help. I don’t know how they do it.

Once every three weeks, I get an earned day off from work. My son still goes to daycare on these days. These personal days are also very necessary for me to reconnect with my passions, my needs and wants, or even just to accomplish various errands, tasks and weekly goals.

On our last anniversary, my husband and I were so tired from a long night and a full working day. But we had a date night booked, with grandparents babysitting. We pushed ourselves to carry out the night as planned, and we were glad we did. Despite the exhaustion, I knew that we had to take the break.

Parenthood is tough. It’s the best and (some days) the worst job in the whole world. I wouldn’t trade it for anything. But it can’t be done without help. And it can’t be done without a break.