I Swear I Didn’t Teach Him That – Mommy Blogger

05/30/2018

My name is Christina Hnatiuk. I am a new mom of a 6 month old baby boy, Marshall. I am married to a wonderful man, we will have been together for 5 years, married for two. I work full time in Human Resources and part time as a Ukrainian dance instructor. I love to try new things, especially new restaurants and food. In my free time, which is hardly ever, I love to bake, specializing in cheesecakes. This is my first time writing a blog but I am looking forward to sharing my adventures in parenting with everyone!

As my son moves closer to the age of two I am amazed more and more at how quickly he picks up on things.  We can do something once, and he knows how to do it and never forgets.  One of my favourites is the vacuum.  Vacuum was one of his first words, and also one of his favourite things to do.  And sweeping, that kid loves brooms more than some people love their spouses.  With these really great things come the not so great things!  I’m going to call this segment, “I swear I didn’t teach him that, or at least I didn’t mean to.”

Farting

The kid loves farting.  He laughs so much when it happens and we can say it’s a little boy thing but I think it’s gone beyond that!  Often when changing his diaper, he grabs his feet, pulls them back, and lets one rip. This is often followed by maniacal laughter.  I’m going to tell you I definitely didn’t teach him that one.

Penis

OK I will admit, I might have played a hand in this one.  When most kids at this age have some kind of cute pet name for their thing, my not even two year old calls it a penis. While we decided before even having kids that we would call their privates by the proper names, I think I am more embarrassed when he says Penis than if he just said “pee pee” like most kids. I dread the day when he tells me his penis is itchy, or hurts.  How will I ever keep a straight face!

Boobs

My son has a very curious personality, always asking questions. You can’t go 5 minutes without him asking, “how do?” or saying “hmmmm”.  So while doing laundry one day he picked up my bra and asked “this?” which is his way of saying what this?  I said “it’s a bra, mommy wears it on her boobs.”  not even thinking that might have not been the best explanation.  Out of that whole sentence the only word he remembers is boobs.  So now anytime he sees a bra he yells “BOOBS”, often followed by plenty of giggles.

Swearing

Ok, I will admit I am a bit of a potty mouth. I often joke that I have the vocabulary of a well-educated pirate. So this one doesn’t come as much of a surprise.  Kids seem to only ever repeat the things you don’t want them to.  I remember trying to get my son to repeat something, like mom or dad, and I kept trying and trying and he wasn’t having any of it.  As I am doing this, I stub my toe and of course out slips that four-letter word often used to describe a bowel movement. And what does he repeat?…

Most recently, I was changing his diaper and both my husband and I were sitting talking to him, and out of nowhere he very clearly says the F-word.  We didn’t say it at that moment, so he wasn’t repeating.  My first reaction was to laugh, but my husband caught me and reminded me that if he thinks I find it funny he’ll keep doing it.  Now I don’t want him to swear, and my husband and I both obvisouly need to watch our mouths around him, but seriously hearing a 2 year old swear is probably the funniest thing ever.

Now obviously you can tell I am not the perfect mother, and honestly, I’m not trying to be one! I do the best that I can and as long as I am raising a smart, funny, kind and healthy boy, that’s all I care about. I probably won’t stop swearing, and I think its funny that my son says penis, but also says boobs, and will probably figure out a lot of other disgusting, embarrassing and inappropriate things to do even without my help. So when he’s not around, I will absolutely laugh at all those things, because life is short, and we should laugh a lot more!

“The hardest part of parenting is trying to be fake mad when your kid does something bad but hilarious!”